[Aircon]

One for Brett.

[dodger]

One for Brett.

Similarly  -

The Greeks invented sex and the English refined it by trying it with women.

[B2]

One for Brett.

[PA]

A little old lady asks her Doctor if there are any Viagra pills for her elderly husband.
"Yes," the Doctor says, "there are three different strengths: 20%, which lifts it up a little bit; 50%, which makes it stand up half way; and 100%, which makes it touch the ceiling."
"Oh", says the woman,"I'll take the 20% pill please."
The Doctor shrugs his shoulders and says, "the 20% pill won't do much for you sex life, love."
To which the old woman replies, "no, but it'll stop him peeing in his fucking slippers!"                 

[jmillard308]

A man was telling his buddy,
"You won't believe what happened last night."

My daughter walked into the living room and said to me,
 
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop.
 
Please take any of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.
 
Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.

Then, disown me and never talk to me again.
 
Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that".

"She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed.'

[360c]

A man was telling his buddy,
"You won't believe what happened last night."

My daughter walked into the living room and said to me,
 
"Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop.
 
Please take any of my jewellery to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.
 
Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.

Then, disown me and never talk to me again.
 
Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."

"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"

"Well, she didn't put it quite like that".

"She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend, Mohammed.'

Thank God I don't have any daughters

[PA]

The wife has just come into the living room wearing a little pvc number, fishnets and high heels, has handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back she'll give me 'what she does best' I can't wait. I love Shepherd's Pie

[Brenton]

Thank God I don't have any daughters

 

[PA]

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.
The baby wouldn't take it, so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us."
Five minutes later, the baby was still  not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey. Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."
A few minutes later, the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid. Make up your mind! I was supposed to get off four stops ago.

[jmillard308]

You've seen all the commercials.
 
But what really happens when you ask for help with an erection lasting more than 4 hours?
 
I walked into a chemist's shop asked to talk to a male pharmacist.  The woman I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist, and since she and her sister were owners of the shop, there were no male employees.  She then asked if she could help me. I said that I would prefer to speak to a male pharmacist.   The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with the highest level of professionalism.
 
I reluctantly agreed and said, “ This is tough for me, as a shy man, to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
 
The pharmacist replied, "Just a minute. I'll talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, “ We've discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do: ... 1/3 ownership of the business, ... a rent-free apartment, ... a king size bed and ... $3,000 a month in living expenses."